Brain Dead Serious

Box of Fries Starts Movement to Stop “Barbaric” Fastfood Patrons from Eating Fries Straight from the Counter

Box of fries

In the news today, Frenchy, who’s a box of French fries, called a press conference to declare that IT’S HAD ENOUGH.

“People eating me even when I’m still on the fast food counter–I can’t do this anymore!” Frenchy exclaimed on national television.

“You don’t know how it feels to be shamelessly picked and eaten even before everybody has properly sat at a table. Burgers don’t get this treatment neither does chicken. Or spaghetti. It’s just us French fries that have to put up with this double standard!”

Frenchy is just the latest among disgruntled french fries who have recently come out to criticize fast food diners for being unjust. Last week, Patty Potato also drew the attention of hungry junkfood eaters as it picketted around a popular foodchain with the slogan “Sit Before You Eat!”

“To be a box of french fries is to live in constant fear of being a victim of undisciplined gastric urges. I mean, why can’t you hold off for a few more minutes? How have we allowed this barbaric culture to spread unchecked?” Patty said.

Meanwhile, to bring more attention to its newfound cause, Frenchy has started a blog showing pictures of fast food patrons “revealing their true colors” and eating straight from the tray on the counter. The blog–which has already gathered 400 followers as of press time–is entitled “Fryinism.”

“This is just the beginning of a wider movement to right what is wrong in the world we’re living in. With my fellow fries, we’ll bring attention to other common indecencies, like dipping fries in ice cream and inserting them inside burgers. Eww.”

A quick poll conducted by us found out 95.9% of fast food eaters think this advocacy is totally original and that it might lead to a full-blown revolution in fast food counter etiquette. But our French fry issue poll being unscientific, please take this with a grain of salt.

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