Strip me to the bone, flay the skin and tissue so that what's underneath can see the light of day or catch moon rays. Maybe it will glisten and blind, but then again it could be something matter-of-factly plain like someone's third or fourth "uh-huh" at a dinner table, and really there should be absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I hunger for plainness, for days so ordinary and lethargic I'd have to ask "What now?" And people would be dumbfounded because I've gone slack-jawed and mute. Little do they know I've always been mute; I've just been pretending this whole time that I could speak this language which could have been barks and neighs and growls and croaks for all I care. I haven't been following at all.
Somewhere Really Good
A woman, maybe not even,
pretending, trying to get there
in a hurry.
Now that I think about it–
it’s a classic story.
Puts on some makeup
slithers into a narrow hole
of a dress, and starts dancing,
beckoning. We just assume
they learn it
somewhere really good
because they pick up
so easy and it’s always
what we want.
A lone lamp post
fends off the darkness
on a street corner.
The light scorches,
the wings of roaches
in the mouth of a sewer.
Thinking About Christmas
A kid tears
knowing 9 out of 10
are not it.
An old man
it isn’t there.
What would I do if I caught your eye?
I’d think too much of nothing you’d ever think.
There’d be a pause when people would shrink.
Of course, I’d look away just as quickly
because I’d never want to see you peek,
not a second fleetingly.
And I’d make a great show of walking,
whistling a tune in my head and prancing.
You’ll go about your business, as you should,
because you won’t give a hoot
even if you could.
Teetering between now and tomorrow,
wanting to do nothing,
nothing worth wanting.
Then you appear in the center
of a busy square
all the scrambling about, flying emails,
and one-hour something lunches,
plans to get fit, tangled cords
and someone’s dry, thin hair strands
on the floor.
You’re spinning them,
they’re tied to you
And I’m hopping about
from rock to rock
around this asteroid belt of
I remember my college Physics
professor who told me
the moon is forever
trying to fall but failing.
so it ends up
always being back
where it used to be,
each time more consumed
by a maddening
to be one.
Fuming to corrupt.
Oh, God will rue the day
the moon drops
because that will be the night
I just stop
of a good pay,
a good life
for the greatest
Last night it rained like it hasn’t rained
in a long time. Innumerable long wet needles that stretched
into spears pierced the ground
almost sideways thrown by the heavens–
maniacally–as if somebody up there was aching to punish
someone down here.
I looked down from the balcony as if expecting to see
something. Something new, something wild,
something different but there wasn’t any,
there hasn’t been any since we shut ourselves in.
But there was the storm, at least. It reminded me
drowned in the deep well
of memories, floating half-seen, glinting in the dark.
I may have left it there or someone did,
someone’s always responsible for something
that should be accounted for when you least expect it
And it peeks and it glints when it rains.
Last night the cold let itself in
because it didn’t need any permission from us.
Lord and master, it strode across the room and sat
cross-legged in the only serviceable chair, waited
to be served and revered and we did whatever it wanted us to do,
I shivered and shrivelled as it filled the four corners,
hinting at something dark that we should prepare for,
like it was ever really possible to get ready for the future.
It was a joke, really. When anything could happen
like rains we don’t deserve or ask for,
people we could have really gone without or live for,
hell I could have maybe not known half the things I knew
and I would be more dumb and purer and true but,
it was time to close the windows and sleep, listening.
In Taiwan we rode one of their old trains that felt like they chugged
even though they didn’t. The trip was long and shared
by people who acted their best as if they didn’t care
about us although I had this nagging suspicion
that they really didn’t. And that’s sad.
And as it pulled away from the main cities where dreams
were weaved in shiny glass buildings, I
saw life cropped by the train’s windows replaced
by old shops of strange brands that reminded me of home
and allowed me to forget it at the same time. Old.
Just old. Oldness that waves goodbye.
Like it knew me. I almost winked at it. Blew it a kiss.
But soon the train reached its destination
and up to now I’d still like to utter the name of that station
if I could remember it but I don’t want to, not
exactly; I want it relegated to that room in my head
where half-remembered things form a thick ghostly smoke
of mundaneness that some nights turns into free,
wondrous dreams. So we stepped outside that train that chugged
and looked around us in this platform in the middle of nowhere,
this platform so old. Just old. Oldness that gives you
an unwelcome hug. And I just died. I mean
what killed me was that this was the end of the railway
and yet people looked as if this was exactly the plan.
The golden light falls upon concrete
like silk in air or angels’ hair painfully
trapped in a simulation of forever.
I think of faces–sweaty, round faces–gleaming,
and I miss them so much even though I have been nothing
but a rock on a roadside peeking from a cloud
of dust. How could one love this much
and be so helpless? We turn their smiles
over and over in our heads as if we can squeeze out
their juice and sustain us, as we trudge along
this desert in a rickety chair. And the golden
light descends a microsecond still, steals
the day away and whispers to the trees to shed
their leaves and break their bark and snap
their branches as the ground gets buried in an unbearable
heap of decay. We lay there watching the new flowers.
But we’re not part of it. We have been secluded
from this renewal because realizations by
their very nature are always too late
and our luck is running out.
Tell me something not worth telling about. Something nobody would have any time to discuss or profit from in any way. Something that’s of no use to anyone. Least of all to you and me. A forgettable, ordinary piece of knowledge that won’t make you and I wiser. Or dumber. Or braver. A message that tells nothing of the messenger and without any meaning except what you make of it. Let’s pass the time killing it to achieve something unachievable and unknowable. Uncatchable. Something that makes us tired not because it’s a goal they told us to chase after but because doing something is tiring, and these bodies are made to tire. Expire. And at night we’ll sleep, close our eyes anticipating a blank slate, a new beginning where anything is possible and everything is impossible at the same time. We’re in the center of an endless white sea, or black sky–who’s to tell? We begin to confuse things until nothing makes sense, while feeling like we’re on the edge of a massive indescribable discovery. I’ll slowly walk towards you as your eyes and mine talk, sharing a coded language the greatest minds will never unlock. Because there would be nothing there and everything. I’ll see my perplexed but reassured expression in the clear mirrors of your eyes, and you will no doubt see somebody who looks like you, feels like you, but strangely unfamiliar like you, reflected in mine. And then you’ll take me to the crest of that wave of nothingness until I can’t take it anymore–the extreme shallowness and childishness of it! That innocent violence that leaks from the seams of beautiful plans! We’ll destroy the world. Their dreams. Their hopes. Their little, tiny important things. We can do it–us pieces of crumbling driftwood torn apart by the ruthless tides.
Imagine that shot glass filled to the brim with that golden liquid of sin
and the gleaming salt crystals around the rim. Ready to tickle your tongue
and wake up the beast inside you.
Imagine the thin slice of lime sitting atop that small mysterious throne,
its citric flavor anticipating to chase away
the bitterest memories.
Imagine the glass getting nearer and nearer
Imagine the aroma…
That most unique of aromas…
Now imagine meatballs.
Meatballs shooting from your throat like cannonballs at 1000 feet per second,
violently splashing into the toilet bowl
or onto your poor friend’s crotch,
shrieking and cursing you like a madman.
He won’t talk to you for a week or two. Good job.
Imagine pasta escaping from your mouth and nostrils at the same time
at incredible speeds like racers sprinting to the finish line;
and then red sauce mixed with your stomach’s gastric acid
spilling onto the floor for some unfortunate soul to mop later.
Or imagine lettuce from your dinner last night.
Good golly! That stuff’s still in there?
Rice swimming in your unusually dense saliva,
Fluid fish fillet,
Super soft and saturated cheese sticks.
Coke, that’s definitely Coke.
Of course it could be your bile.
And bits of pork and beef fibers that something in your belly shredded like those amazing cutting tools on 1-800 TV commercials.
The probability of regurgitated food getting stuck in between your teeth
all of a sudden increasing by 93%,
so you can enjoy the funky taste until you’re able to dislodge it in the bathroom
with extreme difficulty
and revolting consequences.
Imagine that person you’re trying to impress
bearing witness to the unholy work of the god of eternal vomit and puke
making beautiful, earth-shattering retching noises
over and over again
like dying in the most painful, inhumane way
bringing everyone from other tables to the scene
of such splendid, stinky terror
you’ll be having nightmares about forever.
Imagine the morning.
Oh, Jesus, the morning!
Imagine the trauma.